I have forever been trying to figure out what the hell this newsletter is.
I understand it’s mostly ranting about my life. It’s been funny (maybe?), it’s been serious, it’s been so many names and themes, and even on different platforms. It’s been inconsistent, yet raw. It had a whole moment of virtue signaling. It’s been real, and it’s probably been fake sometimes, too. But mostly it’s just been me. All of it.
I’ve learned so much about myself and my voice, imperfect as it is. It’s nice to see that I’ve stuck with something fairly consistently for a couple years now. I like things that keep me accountable to my writing, and a bi-weekly newsletter does that. I feel though, if I’m being honest, that this newsletter has always been more for me than for you, and I’m not so sure you want a newsletter that isn’t for you. Maybe you want something that helps you with you! Maybe you don’t want any fucking help at all - and I’ve been projecting that onto the whole entire world because I have been tirelessly searching for answers. Lately though, I don’t really want any help. I just wish to exist honestly and presently, and less in my mind’s eye whose constantly trying to figure out life in the mind instead of in the actual world.
My writing is changing. For instance, the other day I just wrote about the room I was in, the scene in front of me. I’m being called to be present, and not so heady. I’m being called to write about what is happening, not about what I think is happening. For now. Sometimes.
I want a fresh start. I think I want to start completely over. I think I want to delete this entire email chain and begin anew with a more consistent theme and prose. In deleting this, you will no longer have it sent to you, and if you want my new newsletter that’s coming one day, but not at an exact someday, you will have to sign up again. The choice is yours to do that, no pressure here.
Isn’t choice beautiful and freeing? You’re so welcome.
I’m not sure when I will be officially starting the new one. Basically, I got accepted to community college in the fall and will be studying philosophy, and I think that’s going to be majorly amazing for me and my existential festival (I’ve renamed dread to festival because it’s more festive, obvi). I think I will have a lot to say around that time.
But for now, Existential Laundry, which I just changed a couple weeks ago from Newsletter From the Void (as if I were planning to rebrand and begin anew as something completely fresh) is at its end. I don’t want to rebrand or rename. I want to completely start over. I want to create from a completely fresh base. It feels similar to the sand mandala tradition that the Tibetan Buddhist Monks do. They make an intricate piece of sand art on a table, and once finished wipe it all away. I mean, that’s life. Birth and death. Creation and destruction. And the end of this newsletter is literally, exactly like that. Literally. Okay not literally, but essentially. Its good to read cues, internal, and external I suppose, but especially internal when its time to walk away from projects (and people, too).
Anyway, let me give you a proper goodbye. It feels odd to wrap this up, but I feel it’s time. I’m acting like this matters at all when nothing matters! Except of course the things that do, and we get to choose those things.
I hope you’ve had fun. I know I have. I love mind barfing into the void of the internet! It’s been real. I really honor you for sticking through this with me. But okay. I’m tuning off now. Please follow me on Instagram at @slamantha.morgan to keep an eye out for the new newsletter that’s coming one day if your heart so desires.
Thanks again. Stay easy friends. And stay tuned; I’m only just getting started.
P.S. I FINISHED MY ZINE! I am leaving on a trip home so it won’t be up for sale until the end of June. Here is the link should your heart wish to hold a handmade, homemade book of my musings. You can also be directed there by visiting my website at www.samanthamorganwords.com Ya’ll are the best. Namaste.